Annie Auguste

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What are you doing with your hair right now?

Right now it is straightened and in a bun. Usually, I wear it in braids. If it's not in braids, I wear it straightened to school. I rarely wear it natural to school--I wear it natural more outside of school.

 

Why is that?

I feel a lot of pressure when I wear natural hair at school. I feel it from non-black kids who don’t understand, but even more so from black girls. My hair isn’t as healthy as their and my curl pattern isn’t as existent as theirs.

 

Is there a pressure you feel to have “good hair”?

Yeah. Everyone starts the natural hair transition looking forward to pretty, curly hair because those are the only ones we actually see on Youtube and other social media. People always say, “I can’t believe I was hiding my hair for so long! These curls are so much prettier than the straight I had before!” So you go into the big chop/transitioning, believing that is what is going to happen to you too, and if you don’t have that kind of hair you don’t know what to do because there is so little guidance compared to type 3 girls or even type 2 girls. But for type 2 that's ridiculous because their hair is basically straight. I feel like it's so pervasive. I’ve never admitted this before but my hair is really kinky, it's like 4b/c and a little bit of 4a, but I have damage on the ends, so if I use a lot of product it looks 4a/3c. Sometimes, I’m not necessarily mad about the damage because I feel like I can wear it out more because people will think that curls equal healthy hair. It's frustrating but sad that I prefer my hair damaged.

 

Where did this preference for looser curls come from?

Definitely from European beauty standards. The curls are closer to what white Europeans had, so we typically prefer that. Often mixed black people usually have curlier texture. Because we often consider mixed black people more attractive, we even consider their hair more attractive.

 

What made you decide to transition?

I just talked to my mom about this yesterday actually! I had my hair relaxed, and in the back my hair was falling out. Of course, my mom started to freak out. My cousin who was at college at the time had just gone natural and raved about braiding your hair a lot. But, I had just started freshman year at Milton, and I didn’t want to go natural because I thought it was all afro and braids. There weren’t that many girls at Milton at that point who were natural--everyone had straightened/relaxed hair or wigs and weaves. I wasn’t ready to go natural, and I’m not happy that I was pushed off the deep end, but I am glad I went natural. That's so true! When we were freshman, basically no one was natural. Yeah, we were kind of like pioneers in that sense because when we were freshman uh uh! I felt so weird coming into school that day with braids for the first time. I remember walking into the stu and a group of boys were sitting together, and one of them turned around and looked at me. We usually said hi to each other, so I waved, but he didn’t wave back. He just turned back around, and then everyone at that table looked at me. Uggghhh!

 

What made you relax your hair in the first place?

So, I had really long hair when I was little--lol everyone says that! But, I would straighten it only a few times a year for special events and plays. When I was nine, my hair was past bra-strap length. It was kinky and big and had the two puffs! But, I went to a public school in Milton and everyone there was white. There were a few black girls, but they were black and latina, so they had curly hair or they had relaxed it already. I and only one other girl had kinky, nappy hair. My mom also had type 3 natural hair, but her hair was so long and pretty and relaxed. I wanted my hair to look like hers. When I was nine, I was in the musical Annie at a theater in Boston. There were two of us playing Annie and the other girl had naturally curly hair because she was white latina. She already had the Annie curls, so I wasn’t sure about what I was gonna do with my hair. Looking back, I wish I had just gotten my hair straightened and had done Bantu knots, but I got a relaxer. It worked amazingly for the show because it was the first time and didn’t damage my hair. Once you start you do have to keep it going though.

 

Can you explain what it felt like to get your hair relaxed for the first time?

I was so excited! I could finally show how long my hair was and could wear it straight all the time. It was so exciting! I thought I had so many more options with my hair. It looked closer to might white friends, but it drove me crazy because it was closer, but never quite as straight. My mom would always put it in rollers, so it was always curly. Then we’d wash it and curl it again. I hated it. I was happy when I got the chemical, but it still wasn’t quite what I wanted.

 

What has hair meant to you in terms of expressing your identity?

From a young age, I have always been obsessed with my hair. I always wanted as much hair as my mom. It also disconnected me from the rest of my family because everyone has curly hair in my family, so I don’t know what genetically happened with me, but I don’t have hair like the rest of them. My mom would say I had a tender head and that my hair was hard to manage, but really they all just didn’t know how to do it because they had wavy hair. Ugh, ridiculous! That influenced the way I saw hair. It really distorted the way I saw their hair because my hair was kinky and theirs was curly/wavy. I believed theirs was beautiful, and when they wanted to straighten it, it looked like white girls’ hair. Maybe even prettier because it had bounce and volume. I think growing up with that lens impacted my self-esteem because I always viewed my hair as a flaw when I should have viewed it as a flaw. It handicapped me. I don’t want to blame my hair; I want to blame society for telling me what is pretty and what isn’t. Now, I believe natural hair is beautiful, but I appreciate type 4 hair when it is longer, and it has more volume than what I have. So, I still don’t see mine as pretty enough. I think it still is an unattainable goal that I don’t want to bother me, but it still does. I act differently around strangers if I have my hair in an afro because people think I am a different person because of my hair. I don’t think anyone does, but I do. It negatively influences how I project myself to strangers.

 

How do you act differently?

Depends on how good my hair is that day as well. I never feel confident walking around in an afro--I feel like I’m taking up space. That sounds stupid when I say it out loud, but I never want to seem too loud because I’m already screaming to people that I am black. I have to tone it down. It feels horrible saying it out loud. I don’t know where this came from. When it's straightened though, I feel like I have to turn my personality up more because I’m not demanding that much room/space.

 

What are some of the challenges of having black hair at a PWI?

I have a list that goes on for days. The rain reminded me of pool parties. That is always tough. If people want to jump into a hot tub. My hair isn’t always ready to put it up. I can’t just move it up into a bun all the time. People will always tell me to do that and I’m like, “a what?” With prom season is coming, one of my friends wants to get ready together. Her family friend does luxury hairdressing. She was gonna have her come over to her house and do our hair, but I’m not gonna pay her $45 to jack up my hair. I can’t blame her because she services white clientele, and she wouldn’t know what to do. Saying that I couldn’t do that made me look ungrateful when I wasn’t. The fact of the matter is, is that we can’t share a hairdresser. Another thing is people cannot conceptualize versatility. That's a bonus in the natural hair community, but white people will say that all they do is wash/condition and fall asleep on it. Then wake up and brush it out and go to school. Like what? If I did that it would be laughable, so with sleepovers that’s stressful because I have to think about what I want to do the night before I get there. Our hair doesn’t look the same when we do the same hairstyle. They feel really confident braiding their own hair and then when they try to do yours, it's not like you're insulting them, but it won’t look the same on my hair. That’s hard to navigate as well.

 

Why is hair so important in the black community?

I think all humans have most things in common, but we like to see differences instead of similarities. Hair is something unifying that is not the same. Every single race has similar hair besides us, but they like to say that they’re different--lol that's funny. Our’s is significantly different, but an asian girl can go to a white salon for he most part. So black women have to be there for each other in that way. I think because of that we’ve developed traditions that surround black hair. Mothers and grandmothers doing their younger female family members’ hair. It forms a bond between mother and daughter that is unique. We sit for a whole day with our mom. At barbershops and hair salons, we get to know our stylists and the regulars. We know what’s going on in each others’ lives. It bonds us because it separates us from other people of other races.

 

What music do you listen to as you do your hair?

Actually because I stand in the mirror for so long, I watch Netflix or like a sitcom. That way I don’t feel the time passing, and I don’t have to look at my face because that would drive me nuts. In the shower though, I’ll listen to urban, hip hop, or r&b. Like summer black jams that's what I’ll listen to. Last night, I listened to a summer playlist, but I only listened to the black artists.

 

Hair Icons…!

I have problematic icons. Here’s why: there are girls with type 3 hair and I just love watching their videos because they’re so informative. Like @naptural85, her hair isn’t nappy. She has a defined curl pattern, like no, ugh, her hair isn’t nappy! But, she’s a problematic fave. Zendaya is a problematic fave. I know that, that's not my hair! I have to send them to Emily because it’s closer to her hair than mine! I know that we don’t have similar hair, so I look at her. I have been trying to distance myself though. I like Chizi Duru and she posts vlogs too, so she’s just super interesting. But now she cut her hair, so it's touch. C’mon type 4 faves! Type 4 hair girls aren’t as famous as the curly girls on youtube!